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Of Nisar s gift of gab, Malik s khaki friends

Posted on: Thu February 11, 2010

ISLAMABAD: This House of ours is nothing if not amazing. Surviving and thriving within its own surreal illusion of reality. Looking at half asleep members, listening to half serious discourses, one could actually be misled into be believing that life is at least half as great outside. It is hardly a gathering that appears aware, or even concerned about the terrible realities of the real world that we the rest of the mortals are trying to survive in. Wednesday s session too was another ode to the ordinary, an expensive celebration of mediocrity. Barring the sole exception of the PAC reports, non-issues were discussed as if they actually meant something. Did anyone out of the entire Rolex brandishing crowd talk about crippling inflation killing the poor? No. Did anyone point out that in the corruption parlance, the word rape is now spelled as rpp (its similarity to rental power plants (rpp) is of course only coincidental). No, once again. Did anyone talk of the disastrous economic consequences of the dismal law and order situation. Heck no. So what did the house talk about anyway. Let s take a look.

Ch. Nisar definitely has the gift of the gab. Give him an issue, inane or mundane, and then watch him transform it into the mother of all crises, one just waiting to implode. And that s what he did Wednesday evening while asking for the scalp of Brig (retd) Obaidullah Ranjha, the colleague-bashing former registrar of National University of Modern Languages (NUML), who thought his fists made a more convincing argument than his mouth. Nisar told the government that he had had enough of retired brigadiers and generals taking over educational and other institutions and then them treating fellow civilians as crap (just wondering if he brought this up in the last meeting with the COAS). He didn t exactly use these words but clearly that s what he meant. And so he argued, do something or the opposition would stage demos and the works. He also took a swipe at our dear old Rehman Malik, without naming him, by blasting those of us who feel compelled to mediate and pacify every time some brigadier or general is involved. Just to update you, only a day earlier the interior minister had intervened and claimed to have brokered a truce between brigadier the basher, and the professor the victim. Nisar s crisis of the day followed the admirable feat of him first tabling his Public Accounts Committee s report for four years (most work done by any PAC). But we ll come to this later, first let s get rid of the brigadier.

Actually, the circumstances took care of it. The interior minister rose in his seat, and fixing his almost trademark pink tie, told the house that Brig Ranjha had resigned his post in the earlier part of the day. How times change. In good old times the word ranjha conjured a vision of an incorrigible romantic, and thanks to our beloved brigadier sahib today it has become synonymous with mindless-hatred. Of course trust Malik to first give a detailed background of his own role of peacemaker and to the appreciation of a smiling and desk thumping crowd he pleaded, heck, forget about me being the interior minister and making peace, as a Muslim too it was my duty to stop two Muslims from quarrelling . And definitely more so when one happened to be a khaki, even if former. Right minister? Talking of khakis and minister Malik in the same breath, you need to know something very interesting. While Malik may have pointed out in response to Nisar s jibe that his government had already removed 57 brigadiers etc from various educational institutions, he is definitely carving out some vital friendships in Rawalpindi. It is a fact that while Malik have not started exactly on the hot-favourites list of the khakis, his perseverance seems to be paying off as certain important Khaki circles have a definitely changed and a way more positive impression of the man. And with one such gentleman also getting an extension, things could only get better for Malik. And that s saying a lot considering the rather fluid standing of his political boss with the same quarters.

Coming back to Nisar and his PAC reports. The leader of the opposition pointed out that while a total of Rs5 billion had been recovered through the efforts of PACs upto year 1985, his PAC had recovered Rs20b last year alone while in the pre-ceding six months the recovery figure had crossed the Rs11.5 billion mark. Just to give you an idea of the quantum of corruption in government ministries and departments, only 10% of accounts are subjected to such audit rigours. So imagine the hundreds of billions that must be going undetected every year.

And talking of imagination, it s no figment of my imagination when I speak of A certain Majeed who has already finalised the name of a gentleman currently manning a private financial entity to assume a top, and arguably the most critical ministerial slot were it to become vacant in the coming weeks. Whether the slot does become vacant through the voluntary abdication of its current holder will be known in the next couple of weeks, so till then the anointed man must hold his secret, and his breath.

Courtesy :The News